Thursday, April 16, 2009

Discouragement

When Shelby asked me to run this race back in January I thought, "This is crazy! I don't do any exercise - how am I going to run 13.1 miles in just 3.5 months?" But then I thought I couldn't say no. It's for cancer research. It's for Dad and Yuko and Grandma Marge and mostly - for SHELBY. So I bought some shoes and started running. And it hurt. And I hated it. But I kept going. I think deep inside I envisioned myself becoming this great runner. I imagined being all skinny and perfect and happy like all the runner girls I know. To put it bluntly - I was going to excel at this. So I ran. And at first I couldn't even run to the next light post. But then I made it two and then three. And all the while my calves were killing me. And then I went one mile without stopping and I cried. I was so proud. And my calves were killing me. But I kept on going. I have gone 127 miles now in preparing for this race. That is 5 full marathons if lumped all together. And guess what? A week away from this race I still hate it. My calves have never adjusted and kill every time I run more than a mile. So now I walk run. Run a little, walk a little. I went nine miles the other day, pushing two babies in a double stroller. I was exhausted and it took too much time. Why??? Why??? Why didn't I excel at this? Why am I not a runner yet? Why do I want to stop? I know there is a great gospel analogy in here about some people have some gifts while others are given others. We don't all get all gifts. Christy H. can sing like an angel and is BEAUTIFUL and started running and is great at it. She got all the gifts. Why not me? Shelby can go 13 miles without stopping and she has messed up radiated cancer lungs. Why not me? Blah blah boo hoo. I'm just sad that I didn't end up a runner. But, actually I am glad cuz remember, I hate running!
And PS - I've gone 127 miles and haven't lost 1 pound.

But we did reach our goal and have raised almost $4000!! That's something! Yea for great friends and family.

17 comments:

Angela said...

I would totally take a trade of all your many wonderful talents for my running talent! Oh, wait, I stink at running....dang it!!

Melanie, you are so inspiring - aching calves and all. If all it took to run was the desire to run, you would be an Olympian.

You should make a shirt that says "Heart of a Runner, Calves of a Walker" (with your crazy face picture on it, of course)

I know that you will do great next week, because you are doing it for people who you love so dearly.

GO MELANIE!!! WOOHOO!!

Amie said...

You're so good to keep at it even though you didn't see any weight loss and never felt good at it. I'm proud of you!

Sam said...

At least you tried something that you knew you didnt like. Isnt that what matters. And you made me think about running. (for a about a second).

MarySue said...

Such love!!! I'm proud of you.

Teri said...

you can do this!! just run slow if you have to. stopping is harder, because your legs have a hard time starting back up again!!and by the way pushing 2 kids is a lot harder than not, so when you do the race it will be easier!!! who is going to be there taking the picture of you crossing the finish line???

keri said...

You go girl! Walking or running you are one of the "Best" people I know. When you get there, there will be so many others feeling the same way that you are and they will help you to succeed. Love you!

Christy said...

Holy what?!? Have you met yourself?

The words you spoke at our Enrichment program last week had such a profound affect on me, that I've thought about them everyday since.

And that wasn't the first time.

When you were the Sunday school teacher a few years back and Adam and I had just moved into your ward, the lessons you gave saved me during a very difficult time.


Your physical beauty is so easy to admire. You have skin like a super model, teeth like rows of white Chiclets, and hair like a flippin' Disney princess! (so jealous!)

But the gift of changing people's countenances?

I watch as the people around you stand a little taller, with a stronger knowledge of who they are-just because of the words you spoke.

Talk about the voice of an angel.

You have been an angel to so many, Melanie.

You are one to me.

Love,

Christy

Melanie said...

See - I have always said that ONE of Christy's many gifts is words. She always makes everyone around her feel like a million bucks. Thanks for this. There are tears. YOU always say the right things at the right times to me. Thank you.
(This is beginning to sound like an interchange between you and lelani on facebook! Puke.)

shel7by said...

mel is awesome and she is going to do awesome next week and her walk run is as fast as my run so it'll be a blast.

You can do hard things.

DocMuscles said...

And if "runners" come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto "runners" weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak "calves" become strong unto them.

Dahlene said...

Melanie, you are right about everyone doesn't get every gift, but we all have at least one gift. You were such an inspiration to me while I lived in your ward. Like, everyone says, when you speak it makes us want to stand a little taller. Once you get to the race you will love the run. It helps to have people there cheering you on. I wish I was going to be there to see you cross that finish line. You'll do great. I hope you plan to post your photos of it on your next blog.

hilary said...

Silly Sister Wellman,

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

You're gonna do great in your race. That lightpost strategy is genius. Don't think I could have done the trek "fun" run without it!

You'll even do so great that you'll have enough energy to stop by the mud olympics afterwards :)

P.S. You're adorable :) :)

Christine said...

I had a missionary tell me once that we come to this planet for many reasons and one of them is to perfect new talents. So if you can't sing it may be because you already had that talent perfected in the pre-existence. I chose to believe that you are not a runner here because you perfected that talent already. So when it gets tough on the race just think to yourself - "shesh silly runners, I'm already perfect at this, just wait you'll see some day."

Melanie said...

Christine - that's the greatest thought process I've ever heard of. I'm going to run with that!

musikmama said...

I agree with Christy. . . have you met yourself?? I admire you so much! Maybe I haven't told you that, but I do. You are so much fun to be around and have inspired me to be a better person. Love you!!

Melanie said...

Who's Musikmama??

musikmama said...

musikmama is cybercode for joanna. Isn't it obvious?